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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598306">Kokomo.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/speakingnow/pseuds/speakingnow'>speakingnow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, California, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Semi-Public Sex, Slow Burn, Vaginal Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:29:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598306</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/speakingnow/pseuds/speakingnow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>And the thing about fantasies, usually they’re completely regressive and don’t affect you in your day to day life. Honestly, Rey wishes that’s how she could be right now. But it’s been a week since dark hair had told her to fuck off and Rey won’t lie – it hurt. Even if had tried to be nice, those words had dug into her skin and made themselves at home.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ben has sex with Rey and there are feelings involved.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kokomo.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>2k that turned into more. decided in changing the name last minute because i'm feeling good plus i just watched space force and i really am waiting for the second season. i love it so much. anyway thank you all to who decides to read this, i haven't posted in a really long time because honestly i thought all my work is horrible and i had no confidence but then i was playing around with this idea and reading different fics that brought this together. </p><p> </p><p>i know that reylo isn't the most liked ship but it has the trope i love the most....hate to love....i love it here. anyway, there's sex ahead so if you feel uncomfortable with that and everything else that comes with it please dont read! i also want to thank a few people - my best friend for proof reading this, my group of friends who encouraged me to write this, a lovely other friend i have to who read this said i should carry on!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>June in San Diego means many things <em>but</em> two very important things – hot weather and even hotter guys topless in running through of her apartment complex on Sunday mornings. Okay, this wasn’t important as it was a good way to pass time. It’s the little things, Rey tells herself as she gawks silently at the tall guy.</p><p>He’s something, Rey thinks to herself. She can’t put her finger on it, he’s just damn right <em>gorgeous. </em>Thick arms, thick thighs. The way his lips are the prettiest shade of pink, how his eyes seem so dark and sexy – it must be the lighting. The sun is blaring down, making him look like he’s straight out of a movie in those tight running shorts and sweat drenched tank top. No one should be allowed to be <em>that </em>attractive. Reys’ stomach swoops violently at the thought of this man naked in front of her.</p><p>“Good morning to me.” She hums, sipping her coffee, smiling to herself.</p><p>                “Stop being a creep.” Finn says, making Rey jump. “You should talk to him instead of creeping on him, I bet he’d appreciate the friendship.” That’s true, Rey thinks. It’s been three weeks since dark hair, scar-face moved into their apartment complex and Rey should really befriend him. It’s been three weeks of watching him from afar, waiting to make a move. Well, <em>another </em>move that goes better this time.</p><p>                “Maybe.” Rey says, eyes unmoving as he stretches himself. <em>God, </em>that ass. Thick, hugged by those shorts. Sinful, absolutely lewd.</p><p>                “Maybe?” Finn parrots.</p><p>                “Maybe,” Rey draws out awkwardly, taking another sip. He bends over. Good god. “I just feel weird because I’ve been watching him from the window running for a while now.” Rey mumbles, turning her head to Finn who settles on the couch with a Danish and a glass of orange juice, he hasn’t even taken a bite of his pastry but it’s already down his t-shirt. “What?” Finn shrugs, taking a gulp of his drink and settles his feet on the coloured coffee table.</p><p>                “Nothing.”</p><p>                “It’s not nothing.” Rey points out. “You’re trying to tell me something.”</p><p>                “You won’t like it.”</p><p>                “Try me.”</p><p>                “You’d feel less creepy if you maybe you should stop and <em>actually</em> engage in a conversation with him?” Finn has a point and Rey hates it. She’d definitely feel better about it all if she made <em>some </em>sort of effort to get to know this man rather than objectify him from the living room window. “Maybe you can develop a friendship and go from there.”</p><p>                “It’s okay for you because Poe believes in love at first sight,” Rey mumbles, thinking about the first time Finn had met his boyfriend who used to live in this complex. “Some people just have the very attractive neighbour to stare at.” Turning back, Rey shoves her fingers between the blinds partitions to see dark hair staring back at her as he slips in his headphones onto his head.</p><p>Rey freezes completely. In her whole twenty-three years of being alive, she’s never felt like a deer in headlights like this before. Her heart stops, she can’t move even if she wanted too. Their eyes stay locked as his face doesn’t change. It’s actually quite terrifying. He doesn’t look at his phone as he taps against the screen with one hand, eyes still locked onto Rey before he turns his head and jogs away.</p><p>                “Oh.” Rey says, taking a few steps back and turns to Finn. Finn finishes the last bit of his juice.</p><p>                “He caught you finally?” Finn smugly remarks.</p><p>                “Shut up. I’ll tell Poe you’re the one that broke his favourite mug.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                Rey may have told a tiny white lie.</p><p> She <em>has </em>tried to approach Dark Hair and got <em>nothing. </em>She got crumbs from him.</p><p>Obviously she wasn’t going to divulge such information with Finn, she didn’t need this backfiring in <em>anyway </em>more than it already has. It happened weeks ago when he first moved in the evening time when Rey stopped to see the flashy car and the landlord handing the keys over to him. Now Rey didn’t believe in love at first sight – not at all, but <em>lust </em>at first sight? Sure, she’ll happily admit that dark hair is very <em>very </em>fuckable.</p><p>From that moment, Rey decided that if this newbie was the last man on earth, she wouldn’t mind repopulating the world with him. She waited for a few moments by the shrubs, watching how the landlord had walked away. With all her guts, Rey had nervously walked over to his car as he hauled out a box from the trunk and had grunted.</p><p>                “Hi! I’m Rey!” she had said loudly, nerves in her voice, making the man turn around. Whoa, up close he’s a lot taller than he seems far away.</p><p>“You’re British.” He says, voice deep and slightly rasp. Rey blinks.</p><p>“Ah, yeah. But I’ve lived over here almost all my life.” She explained, fingers tugging at her t-shirt. “I – I saw Maz give you keys so you must unit thirty-three, right? It’s nice to get a neighbour, plus this area is pretty cute. There’s a really nice coffee shop a two second walk from here plus there’s this farmers market down the street every first and fourth Saturday of the month. Now that I think about it, this place it’s kind of central to everything so –,”</p><p>                “Do you ever stop talking?” he had said, voice monotone and his eyes boring into her own. <em>Oh. </em>She could see the sweat beads dripping down his face and his t-shirt drenched with sweat but none of that really mattered; what just happened was a murder, conversation-wise. Dark hair had <em>murdered </em>this conversation with his bare hands.</p><p>Rey had clamped her mouth shut and Dark Hair had walked around her, jeans making that ass of his look incredible.</p><p>And even after all of that, the pit of arousal inside of Rey was deepened.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Finn says that new guy saw you creeping on him.” Rose throws her clothes into the laundry basket. Rey lies on the bed, slowly folding up her own clothes and dropping them on top. In the background, the sunsets slowly over California, casting the prettiest shadows that dance throughout the room, bouncing off all the nooks and crannies in the room. It’s weird for Rose to be home at this hour, she’s so busy these days that this is <em>actually </em>the first time she’s seen her best friend in <em>weeks. </em>“Still not going to talk to him?”</p><p>The fan creaks as it turns, blowing warm air against her face and Rey huffs, thinking about it all. Here’s the thing – after their disastrous first meeting, it doesn’t seem like the best idea to talk to him, not to mention she’s been caught in the act of peeping. Rose is the only one that knows about it all – unlike Finn, Rose can keep her mouth shut.</p><p>“After moving-in gate, it seems risky to talk to him. Especially after earlier, he definitely hates me. ” Rey explains. “I think I should just pretend I don’t know him or anything.”</p><p>“Come on, stop being so weird.” Rose tosses a sock at her best friend. “Everyone peaks at someone. Why don’t you just say sorry, introduce yourself become his friend?” that . . . is an incredibly rational thought that Rey cannot fault in the slightest which is why she doesn’t bother folding her other clothes and tosses them into the basket with a frown.</p><p>“Or I could just <em>not?” </em></p><p>“Sure, you could and then you can be upset that you never tried.” Rose says, shrugging. “It’s your choice, Rey. I just think it can’t get any worse than him telling you to go away.”</p><p>“You know what?” Rey grabs the basket. “You’re just as bad as Finn.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                Realistically, it can’t be any worse than Dark hair telling Rey that he’s not interested. She’s a big girl and has face rejection <em>numerous </em>times on different occasions. The walk to the laundry room is a quiet one, as she slips down the stairs into the basement. Yeah, she’s a <em>big girl </em>she can handle a very attractive guy telling her that he in no way, shape or form wants to have any kind of conversation with her.</p><p>The laundry room is quiet, all the machines pushed up against the wall with a wooden backless bench in the middle. The pastel coloured walls have all different posters that are <em>clearly </em>dated plastered across them. Dropping the basket onto the bench, Rey inhales then exhales.</p><p>Okay, so maybe she’s a <em>little</em> worked up about this all because yeah<em>, </em>she’s has been rejected numerous times recently. And maybe <em>just maybe </em>she might’ve projected this stupid fantasy onto Dark hair because –</p><p>“You should stop staring at people through windows.” A low, raspy voice comes out of nowhere and Rey almost gets whiplash from how quickly she turns her head. “It’s quite weird.” He stands at the doorway, a coloured gym bag in one hand and a book in the other. His hair is tied back as he looks more causal than he did earlier.</p><p>Rey coughs.</p><p>“I wasn’t staring.” She’s quick to reply, with a defensive tone edging into her voice as she stands up and Dark hair stares at her. “I was just –,”</p><p>“ – I don’t know if you think I’m stupid, but I’ve been noticing you’ve been staring a lot at me. Especially through your window on Sunday mornings.” Oh. So, he <em>noticed. </em>Honestly, Rey was hoping she was being inconspicuous about it all.  He moves towards one of the empty machines and zips open his bag. Rey watches silently as he pours his clothes into the machine.</p><p>“I . . .” she has nothing. <em>Nothing. </em>“I just wanted to get to know you, on a neighbourly level. If that was even possible.” He doesn’t say anything and that makes Rey nervous. Picking at her nails, she lets out a loud sigh and sits back on the bench. “You know this place hasn’t been repainted in years right? I heard the landlord say that she wanted to renovate this place, but it was so expensive plus no one even really cares.” Dark Hair turns his head, eyes locking onto Reys’.</p><p> “I was right.” He says and turns fully. “You do talk a lot.” Rey frowns at that.</p><p>“I’m – I <em>was</em> trying to be nice,” retorts Rey, folding her arms across her chest. “It’s what neighbours do.”</p><p>“That’s an interesting way of getting someone’s’ attention.” He utters and slams the washing machine door close. Rey jumps and bites her lip.</p><p>“I shouldn’t have been peaking. Listen, I apologise –,”</p><p>“Funnily enough,” he snips. “I don’t care for anything you have to say, Rey.” He says.  “At all. I don’t <em>want </em>to be your friend, Rey. I don’t <em>want </em>to be neighbourly. I don’t want you to try and make conversation with me and I don’t want you to speak to me like we’re even acquaintances. In fact, I would like to be left alone completely.” Here’s the thing about face to face rejection – there are so many levels to it. You have level one; classic nice guy saying that it’s not the right time. Level two; guy tells you he likes you, just as a friend. Level three: no excuse. Just plain ‘<em>I’m not interested.’</em></p><p>And then you have this guy who rips through Rey like a band aid and leaves Rey standing in front of him feeling incredibly small.</p><p>“I see.” Rey isn’t the type of girl to cry. She didn’t cry when she was sent back to care house a dozen times. Or when Finn had persuaded her to ride her bike drunk and she ended up in A&amp;E. But this is a close one. This one hits closer to home. “I won’t bother you again.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Finn is family.</p><p>So, when Rey slips back into the apartment with red rimmed eyes an hour later and drops the basket of clothes onto the and flops onto the sofa, he doesn’t ask what happened. Instead, Finn turns off the light in the living room and puts on Netflix on the TV. He takes a seat next to her head and runs his fingers through her hair.</p><p> </p><p>Rey thinks that Dark hair wants to be friends.</p><p>It’s a hunch really.</p><p>The first time, they pass each other a day later when Rey is bonding from the carpark in her slippers and work clothes with the sun dipping into the sky and the moon making an appearance. With take-out in her arms, her eyes follow the flashy car that pulls up into the car park. Dark hair emerges from it. Rey freezes, while he stares at her, like he wants to say something, but he can’t find the right words. She hates that he looks amazing – black dress shirt, pressed slacks with sneakers on his feet. His hair combed back, and the red tie loosened around his neck.</p><p>It felt like an eternity they held that stare. Rey had turned her head quickly, pretending like that didn’t happen.</p><p>The second time, three days later, Dark hair opens the door for Rey as she’s holding all the groceries in her arms with sweaty arms and tired legs. The gesture was nice, really nice actually that if Rey wasn’t such a stubborn person, she would’ve thanked him properly. Instead, as the door slams closes and the lock quicks, she utters a thank you, flying up the stairs to her apartment.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“There's nothing so mortifying,” Rose had said at some point that week when Rey was sitting in her desk chair, fingers digging around the packet of chips, “As to fall in love with someone who does not share one's sentiments.” Rey had pretended not to know what she was talking about.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>To summarise Reys’ feelings about the asshole that told her she spoke too much, Rey would still like a piece of whatever he’s offering. It’s pathetic, she knows. He probably feels bad or something along those lines – which he should – but that doesn’t stop Rey thinking about those hands curled around her throat, fingers running down her body lighting her skin on fire. She can’t help but think about the taste of his lips, how he’d kiss her so passionately. </p><p>She thinks the worst thing about this all is that the sexual fantasies are fine. It’s the aftermath. It’s the thinking about what kind of person he is, what he likes doing in his spare time.</p><p>And the thing about fantasies, usually they’re completely regressive and don’t affect you in your day to day life. Honestly, Rey wishes that’s how she could be right now. But it’s been a week since dark hair had told her to fuck off and Rey won’t lie – it hurt. Even if had tried to be nice, those words had dug into her skin and made themselves at home.</p><p>She drags her feet against the pavement, bag in her arms and her body feeling heavy. It’s just one of those days – long lectures, even longer seminars and hours and hours in the library until the sun is setting and the cool temperature is catching up with Rey, leaving goose bumps on her exposed skin. What did Rey want? A hug. Or some Chinese take-out. They’d be nice. Both would be even better.</p><p>“You look like you might drop at any moment.” Dark hair steps in front of Rey. “You look like death.” He stands in a dark coloured t-shirt and sweatpants. Rey, if she wasn’t so annoyed by the world, could appreciate this casual look of his.</p><p>“Bite me.” Rey says, but there’s no bite to her voice, none whatsoever. “I don’t know <em>why </em>you’re speaking to me, asshole. You made it clear you wanted me to stay out of your way which is what I’m doing.” Rey ducks around him and he’s quick to grab her arm.</p><p>“You caught me at a bad time.” Rey scoffs and steps around him. Ben is quick to step in front of her and Rey stares at him. As she takes a step, he side steps it. “Ben. My – my name is Ben. And even though you talk a lot, you seem nice enough.” What kind of apology was that? Rey cocks her head, face pulled up.</p><p>“That doesn’t sound like a sorry.” Rey replies. “It sound like excuses.” Ben bites his lip and he has this look. Rey can’t explain it – it’s sad. Not completely sad but his eyes are deep and dark coloured, and Rey recognises that same look. Mainly because she used to have the same one.</p><p>“I . . . I am sorry. I have stuff going on and I may have taken it out on you and that wasn’t fair of me.” Ben says, eyes moving to the floor. “I didn’t mean to upset, if I did.” Rey guffs at that.</p><p>“Me? Upset?” Rey laughs. “You gotta be kidding me.”</p><p>“I was being nice to you and you ignored me all last week.” He points out. Ah. Well, he got her there.</p><p>“Well, Ben. Since you’re taking the higher road,” Rey extends her hand as best she can. “I apologise for staring at you through my blinds then. That was weird and it won’t happen again.” Bens’ lips pull up into a small smile. Now that she thinks about, she hasn’t seen him smile but he looks good with a smile.</p><p>“Does this mean we’re. . . neighbours?” Ben says, eyes finding hers.</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>You want to know something? If Rey hasn’t made this obvious, she’d let Ben – her very sexy  neighbour – go to town on her any day of the week. It’s because her romantic and sex life happens to be very much dead. And it might be because this week has been <em>hell </em>and thinking about all the things Ben could do to her, late at night, has been a godsend of a distraction.</p><p>“So, when you gonna let him fuck you?” Finn asks.</p><p>“This seems like I shouldn’t be here.” Poe, his boyfriend, replies with an awkward laugh. “I feel like I’m intruding on something here.”</p><p>Finn and Poe have the couch while Rey is on the loveseat with a bowl of popcorn in her lap and also all over her. Siding eyeing Finn, she watches how he stares at her. Rey takes a piece of popcorn from her jumper and pops it into her mouth.</p><p>“Don’t deflect.” Finn accuses. “Answer the question.”</p><p>“Wait, is that the one she’s peeping at?” Poe asks.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I am here.” Rey snips at them both, turning to the TV. “And no, we’re not fucking. Not now or ever.” The last part is mumbled quietly as she slides into the pillows. The thing is – stupidly – she agreed to be neighbours. Friends at the most. Ben probably thinks she’s a sexual predator with how she was creeping on him constantly. Adding insult to injury by trying to mount him seems excessive.</p><p>“He’s hot.” Finn says, a mouthful of popcorn in his out. “Like out of all of our leagues combined.” Rey snorts.</p><p>“Even Rose?” Poe adds.</p><p>“<em>Even </em>Rose.” Finn says.</p><p>“Yes, yes, he’s hot.” Rey points out. “Where are you going with this Finn?” There’s a lot shuffling.</p><p>“Hey so remember that time you accidently locked us out and I was like you owe me one and you said definitely.”</p><p>“Yeah?” It’s quiet for a moment.</p><p>“I may have stolen some of his mail and left him a note saying you had it?” Finn says. The doorbell goes and then there’s a knock. “Before you get mad at me just know that I’m doing this for you because I don’t want to hear you complain about how you never shoot your shot.” Oh my god. <em>Oh my god. </em>Finn stole Ben’s mail. Finn <em>stole </em>a whole stack of mail</p><p><em> “</em>Finn, you’re actually insane.” Rey hisses, pushing herself up from the floor quickly. “What the actual fuck? This is a federal crime.”</p><p>“I’m doing this for you, peanut!”</p><p>“You’re being intrusive, you asshole.” Rey says. This is <em>not </em>how she was planning the night – she’s dressed in her pyjamas and odd socks with her hair <em>not </em>washed. “I can’t believe you.” The knock at the door is louder. Poe gives them a look and Finn grabs Rey by the arm and hands her the stack of letters.</p><p>“I’m being a good friend.”</p><p>“I’m moving out.” A final knock at the door and Rey glares at Finn as drags Poe to behind the door. Rey swings open the door to reveal a tired look Ben who stands there, sweatpants on and a t-shirt that she can’t decipher properly. His hair is pushed back by a headband and the bags under his eyes are apparent as day.</p><p> “Hi, it seems I have your mail.” Ben blinks as Rey hands it over carefully. “I don’t know how this happens, like, it’s crazy, you know? I think the postman hates me sometimes.” She lies, quietly seething at the way Finn and Poe laugh silently.</p><p>“Our post boxes are on opposite ends of the wall downstairs.” Rey laughs forced and awkward. Ben doesn’t think it’s funny. “Thank you anyway.” Ben says, voice low. Their fingers brush together and Rey tries to act as unaffected as possible, which is a lot harder than she thought.</p><p>“No worries, what neighbours for are.” She says as Ben nods as he takes a step back and stalks off down the hallway to his apartment.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Finn has all the information about Ben.</p><p>His full name? Ben Solo.</p><p>They’re all squashed up on Roses’ bed as they stare at the laptop screen. According to Facebook, he’s pro-cats, anti-dogs and talks a lot about politics. Born in Pasadena, moved to the Upper East side of Manhattan for boarding school in his teens years, went to university at Yale, studied in England, Australia and Korea –</p><p>“He’s smart smart.” Finn says, clicking on the graduation pictures of him with his masters’ degree in his hand. “Your type.” He looks good there – a lot younger with his hair shorter with two people she doesn’t recognise; one blonde and the other ginger. In another picture, he stands looking stoic with two older people by his side. The blonde has her arm looped through his, a crooked smile on her face.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s totally your type.” Rose adds, flopping next to Rey. “Look, he’s with a cat here.” Rey bites back a smile. She shouldn’t be enjoying this, it’s weird. It’s almost as weird as watching Ben from the window.</p><p>“Totally your type.” Poe adds. “Hey, he even surfs.”</p><p>“Can we not stalk Ben please?” Rey says, reading through his Facebook feed. “Or at least make it seem like we’re not being weird about this.” No relationship status, his feed completely dry.</p><p>“Rey, Ben is totally a tsundere kinda guy.” Finn says, “Look, he’s pretending not to be into you when really, he wants you. I saw it in his eyes.” Rey snorts. No <em>way. </em>Rey won’t load herself up on false hope about this whole thing.</p><p>“Don’t make it weird.” Rey sighs. “He just wants to be friends.”</p><p>“And you? You want to be friends with him?” Poe says. What kind of question is that?</p><p>“Well, of course.” she splutters. “Ben is nice. Well, he seems nice. And it doesn’t hurt he’s a little cute as well.”</p><p>“Oh Rey,” Poe says, setting his hand on her shoulder. “You can’t be friends with someone who you want to fuck. It’s just science.” Rey frowns.</p><p>“Yes, you can.”</p><p>“No, you can’t.” Poe says. “Why do you think Finn and I aren’t just friends?”</p><p>“Because you both have no self-control.”</p><p>“Rey, you want him to take you twelve ways to Sunday. You <em>can’t </em>be friends with someone you want to fuck. What if they meet someone?” Well . . . well, that’s a good point that Rey had never really considered in all honesty. Sure, Rey would <em>definitely </em>fuck him, but does Ben feel the same?</p><p>“Hey look! He had huge ears when he was younger!” Rose says, pointing to the screen.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey wants to be friends with Ben but at the same time she doesn’t.</p><p>That’s the part of her that selfishly lies in bed, late at night, with her hand slotted between her legs thinking about very tall, very sexy and handsome, Ben Solo who would never pay Rey attention. That’s the part that spreads her legs as far as they can go with vivid images of Ben Solo doing such unspeakable things to her that she comes within minutes, Bens’ name on the tip of her tongue.</p><p>She wants to be friends because Rey is friendly. That’s just her.</p><p>But saying this with wet fingers, maybe that might seem a challenge.</p><p> </p><p>California is hot, but more specifically, San Diego is like if Hell was on earth. Rey thought June was bad? She hadn’t experience the crippling heat that was July.</p><p>Rey would argue that it’s hotter than Hell in the middle of July. In her twenty-one years of being alive, she hasn’t experienced heat like this before. Finn was used to it, absolutely glowing with Poe by his side. Even from what Rey remembers from her childhood, England was never this hot. it was never hotter than Hell in a desert. It was never ice-cream melting all over your hands as soon as you step out the shop kind of hot. </p><p>Saturday afternoon was <em>supposed </em>to be spent not like this. She was supposed to be in her room with the A/C cranked up high, watching whatever seems appealing on Netflix whilst eating her way through a Ben and Jerrys ice-cream tub.</p><p> “So,” Ben says, kicking the box with his sneaker. His voice is deep, rasp and heavy with sleep. “Who’s smart idea was it to order this, huh?” The thick box sits in the carpark, large; wide; and heavy. Too heavy for just one tiny, little girl. Rey sighs, eyes scanning over the box and then to Ben.</p><p>Was his side profile always so sexy? With his hair is pulled back by a dark coloured band, showing his face completely, a large mark that cascades downwards, moles dotted across his. She hasn’t properly looked at his face; lips are the sweetest colour of red, eyes a creamy brown that shimmer in the sunlight. His eyes met hers and Rey turns her head back to the box.</p><p>“I needed a new desk.” She answers honestly, “mine was starting to fall apart. There’s only so much duct tape can fix.”</p><p>“Sure, you did.” Ben comments, a sigh leaving his mouth. “And that’s why you knocked on my door. Not to be friends, but to get me to carry this piece of junk of the stairs.” His words have absolutely no bite to them. In fact, he almost sounds delighted by it all and Rey finds her lips pulling into a smile.</p><p>They’re friends. They are. That’s what Reys’ been telling herself each time she catches Ben in the carpark or walking up the stairs from work when she’s coming back from class. Rey smiles at him and he nods back. He doesn’t smile, not really. Only sometimes his lips would twitch like he’s holding back his smile completely.</p><p>They <em>are </em>friends, Rey would think. Even if Ben wouldn’t agree. She has him on Facebook as a friend. You can’t get any friendlier than that.</p><p>She sent him a meme of a dog and he gave her a thumbs up.</p><p>They are <em>totally </em>friends.</p><p>“Guilty!” Rey laughs and Ben gives her a look before turning his back to her and taking a step. “Wait, please, Ben.” Rey begs, “I’m tiny and this box is heavy. Are you going to let me, a tiny <em>tiny </em>girl carry this up the stairs?” She’s quick to dart around the box and grab his arm, tiny hands wrapping around his bicep and – <em>whoa, </em>he’s <em>strong. </em>Thick and strong. Ben looks down at Rey, those creamy brown eyes raking over little detail on her face. Letting go and taking a step back, Rey laughs awkwardly.</p><p>“Sorry.” Rey apologises. “But please? Call it evens for being an asshole to me? You know you owe me.” Rey states quickly before Ben can say anything. His face is contemplating before looking down at the box and back to Rey.</p><p>“You woke me out of my sleep.” Ben points out.</p><p>“It’s the afternoon,” Rey retorts back. “And you don’t have plans, right?” Ben crooks his eyebrow to her.</p><p>“Are you assuming, Rey?” Ben says, his arms folding across his chest.</p><p>“Of course, and I’m assuming right.” She says pointedly and that makes Bens’ lips pull up slightly. “Please? For me?” silently, Ben nods.</p><p>“I’ll help you.” Ben says. “<em>This </em>once.” He adds as sternly as possible, which to Rey, doesn’t seem like much.</p><p>“You’re the best!” She says, pulling him back to the box as he squats down to push it on its’ side, which she struggles at. Ben watches, snickering under his breath. “Don’t just laugh!” Rey says, out of breath.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry.” Ben does it effortlessly, the way he pulls the box on its’ side.</p><p> Picking up the box was hard and carrying over the curb with Ben micro-managing was even harder. She doesn’t know exactly what job Ben has but if he was ever her boss – they would clash <em>constantly. </em>But they get it done, Ben opening up the metal door and setting the edge of the box on the step.</p><p>“Me, pull.” Ben says, breathless. “You push. Got it?”</p><p>“Me pushy pushy!” Rey jokes and Ben stares at her. “Sorry, I will push it.”</p><p>The hardest bit was dragging it up the stairs. Rey is only <em>so</em> strong as he pushes it while Ben pulls – it’s hard. Sweating through her sports bra and t-shirt whilst Ben is grunting loudly through it all, she makes a point to pay extra to get the people to take it up the stairs for her.</p><p> But Ben and Rey manage somehow to get it up the stairs. It’s only one flight of stairs – twelve steps with a broken doorframe on the other side. Ben tugs it up the three steps into their hallway and Rey stumbles up the stairs behind the box, panting like crazy. It’s almost comedic how Rey stumbles towards the wall, and how she slides down it, wiping the sweat off her face.</p><p>“Thank you.” Rey says through pants, “I think I actually owe you one.” Leaning forward, her hair is thrusted upon her face, meaning her hairband broke, and she’s quick to brush as much as possible out of her eyes.</p><p>“I’ll ring up that favour sometime.” Ben appears in front Rey, crouched down and pushes the hair away from her face, a <em>very </em>intimate gesture. It’s nice though, probably the closest she’s gotten to imitate from another human being in the last few months. It’s so much so that her stomach flips completely, the arousal triples and her legs feel completely weird. Bens’ fingers are warm against her hot skin and she can feel the blood rushing through her body madly.</p><p> God, the last time someone touched Rey, it didn’t feel like this. It doesn’t leave her mouth dry like cotton, trying to find something to say as Bens fingers move the sweat covered strands by her ear.</p><p>“Thanks.” She says and she doesn’t mean this. Ben gets it. He doesn’t move and his hand is suddenly cupping her face.</p><p>“You have a lot of freckles.” Ben mumbles, tongue licking over his lips. It’s sinful how his pink tongue rolls across his lips. It should be illegal.</p><p>“Ben . . .” Rey says, leaning forward. She can’t help how her body betrays her. She <em>wants </em>Ben. She’s wanted a lot of men before Ben, but Ben is the only one to drive her crazy like this from one touch. And maybe Ben feels the same because he doesn’t moved, still crouched in this uncomfortable position with his hand moved to the side of her face.  </p><p>A loud ring catches them both off guard, Ben quickly standing up and pulling out his phone from his pocket. Suddenly, Rey is back in reality, back on his dusty floor that hasn’t had the carpet changed since the nineties</p><p>“Sorry,” he says. “I – I gotta take this.” Stalking off down the stairs, Rey notices a gold coloured necklace on the floor where he stood lying on the floor. It’s pretty, a silver with a diamond in the middle. As she holds it up, it’s engraved<em> ‘to you, my love. I will always have you in my heart. B.S’ </em></p><p> “What the hell are you doing with that?” Ben angrily ask, startling Rey as she stares at him in the doorway. His eyebrows are scrunched together, and his phone is still in his hand, but he quickly shoves it into his pocket without a second thought. “That’s not yours, Rey.” She stares at him and back at the necklace.</p><p>This wasn’t his.</p><p>And if it was – it’s too pretty to be his.</p><p>Ben doesn’t seem like the type to care about such things.</p><p>“It was on the floor.” Rey says dumbly. “Is it yours?” Ben is <em>quick</em> to take a step to her and snatch it out of Reys’ hand with his face focused down on the necklace and not how Rey sinks back. This wasn’t his. But it definitely belonged to someone who meant a lot to him.</p><p>“I – I didn’t realise you had someone.” Rey says and Bens’ eyebrows furrow together, like she said something wrong. Was it wrong? Because the chain is gold, new looking with a ring that doesn’t look like something you’d ever give someone.</p><p>“It’s none of your business.” Ben says, an edge to his voice. Rey blinks. “It’s none of your business, so don’t you ever say something like that again.”</p><p>“Oh,” Rey says.  “Sorry.” Confused. That’s what she is because moments ago, Ben had his hand on her face and his eyes seemed so soft and his voice was so deep and gentle. Now, he sounds rasp, voice deep and filled with frustration with those creamy eyes dark.</p><p>“No, it’s – it’s fine.” Ben says, frustratedly. “You can drag this into your apartment, right?” No. But Ben was clearly in no mood to help her anymore. And that’s fine, Rey could probably manage.</p><p>“Yeah, totally.” He stalks off to his apartment, not bothering to look back.</p><p>
  
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  <strong>
    <em>&gt;REY JOHNSON – 7/01/20 – 19:35</em>
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  <em>Hi</em>
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  <em>U ok?</em>
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  <strong>
    <em>&gt;REY JOHNSON – 06 /12 /2020 – 20:35</em>
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  <em>Sorry if I made u mad</em>
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  <em>I didn’t know it meant a lot to u</em>
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    <em>&gt;REY JOHNSON – 7/16/20 – 09:35</em>
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  <em>Hi are u home? I have sum extra food from the bakery</em>
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  <em>Hope ur ok</em>
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  <strong>
    <em>&gt;REY JOHNSON – 7/19/20 – 16:40</em>
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  <em>IMG.234</em>
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  <em>It’s a cat in a cowboy hat</em>
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  <strong>
    <em>&gt;REY JOHNSON – 7/20/20 – 12:30</em>
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  <em>Whats ur favourite colour? Is it black? </em>
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  <em>IMG.493</em>
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  <em>U would look good in this. ur kinda style of outfit</em>
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    <em>&gt;REY JOHNSON – 7/22/20 – 19:35</em>
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  <em>Hey it’s been a while since I have seen u</em>
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  <em>Pls text or at least read this message</em>
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    <em>&gt;BEN SOLO – 7/22/20 – 19:40 SEEN</em>
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</p><p>The knock on the door is loud enough to be the police and loud enough that Rey almost spills her popcorn over her lap from the sheer force. Who the <em>hell </em>knocks like that on a Tuesday night? Rose blinks at Rey then the door. Rey blinks back, anxiety flooding through for veins. Who the <em>hell </em>was knocking at her door at this time at night anyway? And especially like <em>that?</em></p><p>“Are we expecting company?” Rose rasps out and Rey shakes her head. “Did Finn forget his key?”</p><p>“No, he’s at Poe place for the week since they’re going to his parents.” Rey says back. “Did you pay the rent?”</p><p>“Duh,” Rose says. “I’m the only one Mrs. Park likes.” Rey rolls her eyes and the knock is there again – loud and demanding. Rose shuffles up on the couch, grabbing Reys’ arm.</p><p>“Uh,” Rey calls out. “Who is it?” Rose throws a pillow at her, mouthing ‘<em>what the fuck!’ </em>and it’s quiet for a moment. The person behind the door doesn’t say anything and the apartment, and whoever is outside, both are still.</p><p>“It’s Ben.” Ben says, loudly. “Is this a bad time?” He asks from behind the door. Rey sits up and Rose covers her mouth. It takes her exactly two seconds to rush to the door from her seat and nervously open it to see Ben standing there with his suitcase in one hand and his phone in the other.</p><p>He looks <em>exhausted. </em>Bags under his eyes, his shirt not tucked in and his dress trousers wrinkled. This isn’t how Ben normally looks, he’s usually put together in whatever he wears. Right now, it looks like it’s wearing <em>him. </em></p><p>“Hi stranger.” Rey says, joking lightly. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you around.”</p><p>“I know.” Ben says. “I just –,”</p><p> “If this is about the other day . . . I’m not mad.” Bens’ eyebrows are raised up, “I know what it’s like to have something that means a lot to you in the hands of someone else.”</p><p>“I’m still really  sorry about when I helped you move the box. I snapped and that wasn’t okay.” Rey smiles slightly, nudging his arm.</p><p>“That’s okay.” She says. “We all have our bad days.” Ben nods and it’s awkward. Awkward like he never expected Rey to be so understanding, like he expected her to blow up at him. It’s kind of sad, because Rey sees herself in Ben whenever he looks at her.</p><p>“Where did you go?” Rey asks, changing the subject.</p><p>“Oh,” Ben looks down at his clothes. “My family moved to Newport, so I had to see them.”</p><p>“Everything go okay?” Ben lets out a forced laugh.</p><p>“No, but I expected that much.” Ben admits. “Am I bothering you?” The creak of the door reveals the dark living room and the set up of snacks and beer on the table. Rose dips from view and Rey turns back, shaking her head.</p><p>“Of course not!” Rey says. Ben gives a weak smile. “Would . . . you wanna come in and watch some films?” His eyes widen. Reys’ stomach flips with butterflies. He shouldn’t look so cute like this but Ben does.</p><p>“It’s okay, I don’t want to intrude.” Ben admits.</p><p>“No! It’s okay! We’re watching Avatar at the moment; it’s basically just started.” Ben swallows and shakes his head.</p><p>“Thank you but next time.” He says. “Have a good night. And, uh, thank you for all the messages. Sorry I never replied.” Rey smiles, suddenly feeling embarrassed.</p><p>“You reading them was enough to know you’re okay.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” Ben calls out as Rey opens up her apartment door. Ben bounds towards her like a lost puppy, hands tucked into his pockets. “Are you busy? It’s cool if you are.” Shaking her head, Rey gives a small smile, trying to supress the butterflies that fill her stomach completely.</p><p>The night sky in San Diego is something Rey had always loved – she can see all the stars and the moon and on nights like this, they shine brighter than the sun on the hottest day of the year. Maybe it’s just Rey projecting because Ben standing in front of her in his work clothes and slippers is quite a sight for her eyes.</p><p>“Actually, I was getting home from my lectures, but I can hang.” Rey says. “Your place?” Ben looks relieved, hand going to rub the back of his neck.</p><p>“Well, uh, I was actually going to the taco truck around the corner and I thought maybe you’d want to join? I haven’t spoken to you since the other day and I just thought . . .” It’s not a date. It’s not a date. Just because you share small talk with someone, and you send funny cat pictures and the occasional song <em>just because </em>doesn’t mean anything. Especially since Ben has a very shiny, very expensive ring on his person.</p><p>“Sure! Let me drop my bag in and I’ll meet you in the carpark?” Ben nods and Rey unlocks her door with a smile. Opening it, Finn and Rose stare at her with wide mouths as she closes it.</p><p>“Sure.” Ben says, backing away. “Five minutes.” Rey smiles, shoving Finn from coming outside and completely embarrassing her.</p><p>“Don’t you dare.” Rey says to them both, slamming the door behind her bag dropping her beg to the floor. “It’s not what you think.”</p><p>“And what do I think?” Finn is quick to say, “That my peanut has a date?”</p><p>“Not a date.” Rey folds her arms across her chest, “It’s two friends getting food. I get food with you and Rose all the time.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I’m gay and you’re not wanting to dry hump Roses’ leg like dog.” Finn says, like it’s a fact. It’s not a fact even though her cheeks are strikingly hot. It’s not like that between them, Rey thinks. Ben is a friend. Barely a friend. But it’s progress. With her tongue poking out from her mouth, she grabs the spare key from the bow.</p><p>“You know what, don’t wait up, okay? I’ll be back soon.” With that, she slips quickly out of the apartment before anymore accusations could thrown at her. Rey can’t help the hop in her step as she walks through the hallway and down the stairs to see Ben just outside the door.</p><p>It’s not a date, Rey says as she opens the door and Ben gives her a smile. It’s not a date.</p><p>The walk is nice though. Ben isn’t a talker, but Rey can sense he’s trying his hardest to fill the air with conversation as they walk through the block. He talks about his family; his life; how he ended up in student area of San Diego out of all the places he <em>could’ve </em>moved too.</p><p>Their fingers brush together and Rey is holding it together as best she can, trying to fight the urge to grab his hand and tangle their fingers so freely. If Ben notices, he doesn’t say anything. His poker face is something to be envious off.</p><p>The taco truck is coloured white; red and green lights all around it and a small seating area filled with clusters of customers. Ben buys their food, insisting that this on him and next time, Rey can get it. <em>There’s going to be a next time? </em>Rey had thought, trying to keep the delight from taking over.</p><p>“So, you work at the First Order?” The tacos are what Rey had expected; hard outer shell, spicy salsa, seasoned meat and tasty guac to top it off. Sitting on the wall opposite, Rey let’s her legs dangle. “Aren’t they a notoriously bad company?”</p><p>“Legally, I cannot confirm or deny.” Ben says, a smile pulling at his lips. “When I left England and came back here, this was the only job I could get. Thinking about it, you’re right. But I’m the head of my own team of attorneys there.”</p><p>“That’s cool.” Rey says, “I’m still at uni. It’s fun. It’s just going to cost me my entire life to pay off, right?”</p><p>“That’s why you study something that makes money.” Ben says, a frown shifting across his face as he takes a bite of his taco, “I – I never wanted to study law but my old man and mom wouldn’t put me through college.” Rey blinks. From what she saw on his Facebook, he’s definitely comes from a rich family, not to mention, his family lives in the Hamptons. <em>The Hamptons. </em></p><p>“What would’ve studied then? If you could.” Ben laughs and Rey nudges his arm.</p><p>He sighs, looking up into the sky, “Illustrations. I grew up reading comics and graphic novels. It was, uh, my dream to have the best graphic novel.” Ben has this face that Rey used to have when people would pity her. It was their words, the way they’d smile like they have too because she was the lonely girl with no friends, no family and no parents. “It’s silly.”</p><p>“It’s not.” Rey says seriously and Ben looks back over at Rey, “really Ben! You – you can still have that. Don’t sell yourself so short, you could have the best graphic novel in all of San Diego or – or California.” It’s gentle, the way his hand reaches out and swipes something of the corner of her face. Rey doesn’t flinch; Bens’ fingers are soft against her face.</p><p>“Where were you when I was trying to tell this to my parents.” Ben says, laughing. And Rey laughs back, chest tight and those pesky butterflies making an appearance.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>You can’t be friends with someone you want to have sex with. That’s that. Reys’ watched Friends with Benefits and He’s Just Not That into You to understand this. With a sinking heart and her Facebook messages unread, Rey realises that Ben just isn’t that into her.</p><p>That’s what keeps Rey up at night. Unrequited like. Not the prospect of exams coming up so quickly and her semester ending being right around the corner. Not the revision or how Rey going to have to find <em>another </em>job over the summer while editing her transcript for whatever boring white-collar job she can land as work experience.</p><p>Maybe Rey was overthinking this whole thing. Maybe Ben said she was pretty because he felt awkward. That’s a thing, right? That seems like a completely valid thing to do. Rey, if put in that situation, would do the same thing.</p><p>Revising in the laundry room was a way to keep her mind off everything. Her long legs planted firmly on either side on the bench with her work in the middle. The words blur together, and  all her highlighted sections seems completely useless. Rey doesn’t know what to think. Is she conflicted about making a move? What if Ben didn’t feel the same? Not would she be making things weird, they live in the same apartment complex, they’d see each other all the time.</p><p>“Hi.” Ben says. Rey looks up. “Busy?” Rey gives a half-hearted smile, like she hadn’t been thinking about Ben all this time. He slips into the laundry room, beer in one hand and a bag of washing in the other.</p><p>“Just a little, I have an exam coming up and I’m pretty much fucked.” Rey says, sighing. “You okay? I haven’t seen you in, like, two weeks?” Ben sits on end of the bench, and he looks apprehensive for a moment and takes a sip of his beer.</p><p>“I had stuff to do.” He says. “Sorry.” He <em>does </em>sound sorry and Reys’ heart does ache.</p><p>“Why you saying sorry for?” Rey says, smiling. “You’re a busy guy, I get it.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben replies. Rey stares back down at her textbook but she can’t help but peek up to see Ben in his work clothes. His eyes are focused on the machine but he’s not moving – he’s planted down like he’s contemplating something, fingers scraping at the bottle logo.</p><p>“Finished work?” Rey says, breaking the silence that holds the room together.</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben says and turns to look at Rey with the thick textbook. “You’re in university? I should’ve realised. Bachelor or masters?” His eyes rake over her from away.</p><p>“Second year. Bachelor’s in engineering. ” She replies. “Why?”</p><p>“You look older, Rey. I think it’s your face.” Rey wriggles her nose. “You do.” Ben insists lightly.</p><p>“Why thank you. Are you an old man?”</p><p>“Twenty-seven isn’t old, thanks.” Ben says, no bite to his words and Rey laughs. “Do you need help?” Rey looks back down at the textbook then back up at Ben.</p><p>“Do you know anything about English lit?” Rey shuffles down the bench. “I don’t get this. It was the only class not full and I honestly want to rip my hair out, I don’t get it.” Ben naturally has warm hands. They’re huge and warm and make her stomach dip as he takes her hands in his own and holds up the book and squints at the page.</p><p>“You’ve highlighted the introduction.” He says, a deep low chuckle leaving his voice. “Highlight this and write the key words on flashcards, it’ll make more sense to you. You’re talking about why showing and telling are important and using examples.” Oh. Well, that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense.</p><p>“I see.” Rey says.</p><p>“And here,” Ben scoots down, reaching over to press his slim finger against the page. Rey swallows hard. He smells good. It’s a mixture of things; cologne, aftershave, beer and something else she can’t put her finger on. “Your notes don’t make sense. You’re writing showing examples for things that are telling. And your handwriting looks like shit.”</p><p>“I was thinking out loud.” Rey defends, sighing. “You’re so mean.” Is added as an afterthought as she looks down at her notes. Rey scribbles out her handwriting, but Ben is quick to move behind her, pressed up against her back as his hand takes hers and gently takes the pencil out from it.</p><p>“I . . . I apologise.” Ben says, his chest rumbling against Reys’ back. “Your essay has no structure. Here, watch” Rey hums. It’s stupid, it’s <em>really </em>stupid but god, she could stay like this forever. Ben is so big and <em>warm, </em>and his arms move reach out for the textbook as he holds it, deep voice floating through the air making Rey feel so tired. Not to mention, Ben writes neatly in the margins of her page with his breath tickling her neck.</p><p>It’s cathartic. Months and months of being sexually deprived to have this unbelievably intimate act thrusted upon her. If Finn saw this, he’d loose his mind. Bens’ chest and arms are almost cradling her so gently like she’d break at any moment. Someone who looks and acts like Ben wouldn’t seem to be gentle.</p><p>Rey knows better to think like that.</p><p>And it doesn’t help Ben is talking, voice low and inviting. He speaks so gently, so elegantly, every word crafted in his mind. She has this feeling in her stomach, besides animalistic arousal, but butterflies. Each one manifesting because of this moment.</p><p>“You’re not listening.” Ben mumbles against her ear. “Are you?”</p><p>“I want you to fuck me.” She says, breathy with her eyes fluttering close. It flows out of her mouth like everything else she’s ever said to him.  Easily, simply and like it’s nothing. No one moves. Rey <em>can’t </em>move because her mouth catches up with her brain and suddenly –</p><p> The room is still, and Ben holds her face so gently in his hands and doesn’t stop this kiss. The machines whirl and whizz in rhythm to their kiss.</p><p>All it takes is Rey kissing back to make it what it truly is.</p><p>
  <em>Lustful.</em>
</p><p>It’s feral and frantic. It’s everything she’s ever imagined and <em>more. </em>It’s fulfilling Reys deepest, wildest fantasy. It’s an awkward angle until Ben turns Rey around completely, her long legs hooking over his and Ben pulling Rey onto his lap completely. It’s feeling Bens’ taut body against her chest, whining so childishly when he pulls back for breath to dive right back in.</p><p>“You like this?” Rey breathes into the kiss.</p><p>“So, <em>so</em> fucking much.” Ben says back, a groan slipping from between his lips as Rey presses down harder against the strain of fabric. Letting her hands run down the back of Bens’ nape as he tongue slides into her mouth so easily like it was meant to be. Ben is <em>such </em>a good kisser, how he tugs on her lip, testing the waters.</p><p>“I can’t stop thinking about you.” Rey admits, eyes closing as Ben slides his hand up her shorts. His fingers find the fabric of her panties, following the seam downwards until his fingers are pressed firmly against the wet patch. “I can’t stop thinking about how good you’d make me feel.”</p><p>It’s kissing with so much passion and desire that Rey finds herself rocking herself on his lap without a second thought, feeling his cock so erect and ready. Rey has never had her mind like this – so empty, no thoughts. It’s a room that’s completely silent. With her stomach backflip after flip, the pit of arousal fills quickly and steadily like it wasn’t already half-way full. Ben tastes like goodness, if goodness had a taste, it would be Ben Solo; beer mixed with something sweet.</p><p>“I’ll do anything for you, Rey.”</p><p>Rey can’t stand it, all this space between them. It’s the clothes. It’s how her blood is pumping for more. She wants <em>all </em>of him.</p><p>She can’t stand that Ben is so fucking irresistible that she’s getting so <em>wet </em>from this. The lewd noises send shivers down her spine and Ben moves his mouth to her neck, hands dipping underneath her shirt and upwards and <em>god, </em>these hands of his? Amazing. Big, warm, slightly rough that run that make Rey <em>wish </em>she could be mounted on Ben.</p><p>But Ben is steps ahead, falling back and letting Rey take control, rolling her hips.</p><p>“Here?” Ben says, gasping when Ben bites. “Oh, <em>god, </em>please say here.”</p><p>“I’ll fuck you wherever you want me too.” Rey rasps out. “I’ll let you fuck me on the machine.” It’s late enough. The clock has the small hand on the two and the long hand on the six.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ben fucks Rey.</p><p>But that’s not why she’s feeling like this.</p><p>The sex? Incredible. The problem isn’t how Ben made Rey see all the stars and the entire galaxy. No, the problem was after.</p><p>Ben was the first to undress, cock red and angry with precum dripping from the tip that Rey couldn’t help but sink to her knees, licking it so delicately that Ben had growled at the action. Her tiny had had been wrapped around his girthy cock, sucking and kissing the tip. It hadn’t taken much for Ben to let his fingers dig into her hair.</p><p>“You’re so fucking sexy like this.” He had moaned, moving the few strands from her face. “You’re so fucking good, Rey.” The validation had been enough for Rey to take in more. She was greedy like that. And Ben had welcomed it, thrusting into her mouth like it was her gushing cunt. It wasn’t long until she could feel his cock twitching, begging for that release.</p><p>Rey had pulled out with wide eyes and saliva all down her chin.</p><p>“Up.” The dominant tone was enough for Rey to stand up, dazed and horny. Ben had kissed her hard, moving her to the machine and lifting her up to sit on the edge. He had wasted no time pulling off her shorts and underwear to reveal the puffy pink folds, glossy covered lips, that were between her legs.</p><p>“Fuck, it’s so embarrassing that you’re just <em>staring.</em>” Rey had whined and Ben laughed. It went to his eyes and stayed on his lips as he bent forward and pressed a kiss against her instep of her thigh.</p><p>“Just want to remember this.” That’s what he said. His eyes had moved from her cunt to her eyes. “You’re beautiful.” His strong hands planted on her hips, he had a taste, his warm tongue diving between her folds, producing these beautiful, elicit sounds that Rey never thought she could make. His mouth finds her clit, erect and covered in slick, and sucks like he’s never eaten a cunt before. Long, thick fingers slide inside and it’s heavenly. Reys’ legs part like the ocean and the shore and Ben took advantage, hoisting her leg over his shoulder.</p><p>“Fuck, <em>Ben.</em>” Rey had cried out, her hands reaching up her own shirt and tugging at her nipples. “More, more, <em>more.</em>” It wasn’t long until Rey could feel it – her sweet release. And Ben could feel it.</p><p>Pulling back, the older had pulled back with lips raw and his eyes so beautifully dazed. Rey had pulled off her top, any lingering thoughts of embarrassment drained away. His hand had taken her breast in his hand, flicking her nipple gently before leaning forward and nipping at the pink bud.</p><p>“You have amazing tits.” He had said.</p><p>“They’re small.”</p><p>“Bitesize.” He takes her other breast, doing the same. She gasps.</p><p>“Insulting.” Rey had mumbled but Ben kissed her lips.</p><p>“A compliment.” He paused. “I don’t have a condom.” Rey blinks.</p><p>“I’m clean. And on birth control. It’s, uh, been a while.”</p><p>“Same.” Ben said, moving between her legs. “But not birth control.” It was the anticipation of it all. Bens’ cock was big – bigger than her exes or anyone else she had hooked up with – was brushing against her core.</p><p>The tips goes in first and Rey saw stars. Her mouth had dropped, a loud whine echoing around room and her fingers dug firmly into his shoulders as she pulled him closer. Ben, with his breath low, had moved slowly for a few moments. Each thrust eliciting such noises that could only be described as completely pornographic.</p><p>Ben <em>had </em>fucked Rey on the dryer with her pink shorts curled around her ankles and her face buried into his neck. He had been topless, body so divine and whispered the direct things in Reys’ ear. He had bent her over at one point, smashing in from behind with his fingers digging into her hips so much so Rey <em>knew </em>there would be bruises by the morning. His hand had slid between her legs, fingers finding her clit with such ease.</p><p>So, yeah, they had sex. Great sex and Rey had come so hard, she blacked out for a minute. It was so great; her skin was still buzzing, and her stomach began to fill with something she hasn’t felt in a while. Feelings. Those wild, pesky butterflies that have betrayed her. But what did she expect? The sex was <em>amazing </em>and now all she wants to do is press herself against Ben and never let go.</p><p>But now they’re here.</p><p>Awkward silence, post orgasm with the machines whirling and whizzing around like nothing had happened. Ben sliding on his t-shirt and sweatpants, not even looking at Rey. Rey climbing down from the machine and picking up her underwear and shorts gingerly to not make too much noise.</p><p>It’s horrible. This feeling of feeling like she did something wrong.</p><p>“That was fun.” Rey is the first to says, “I don’t think I’ve had good sex like that in a really long time.” Ben doesn’t say anything. He sits down instead, back facing Rey as she quietly treads towards him. Rey takes a seat, hands flat against her thighs. She has phantom feeling of Ben being so close to her.</p><p>                “Did you not like it?” Rey blurts out. Ben glances at Rey. “Why are you being so quiet? I thought this is what we both wanted to happen –,”</p><p>“ – I’m sorry,” Ben says, still not looking at Rey. “We shouldn’t have done that.” Rey blinks. How does your heart, the one that has conflicting feelings, break over a man that never liked you in the first? How does that work?</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We should’ve had sex, Rey. It wasn’t – it wasn’t a good idea..” Because it’s happening. It’s happening and it’s like a car crash. Rey feels <em>disgusting </em>and sick to her stomach and Ben seems completely and utterly unaffected from this.</p><p>“Right.” Rey stands up, feeling dizzy. Her stuff, it’s all over the floor and she’s quick to bend down and pick it up.</p><p>“Rey, I’m so sorry. Please, don’t misunderstand –,”</p><p>“ – you had sex with me and said my vagina was beautiful. You called me pretty and you kissed me first.” Rey snaps. “You – you made me feel like you were interested. We had fucking sex and – and it wasn’t . . .” it wasn’t <em>just </em>sex; she wants to cry. It wasn’t just sex because Rey felt it. Rey felt how they were connected and how Ben held Rey like she’d disappear at any moment. She felt how Ben had kissed her and how he had looked at her.</p><p>“Rey . . .” Ben says, hand reaching out to touch her face but she’s quick to step back. “Rey please, it’s a long story and you deserve to hear but it –,”</p><p>“But what? I’m not good enough? I don’t get you, Ben. I don’t get your twisted, shitty games to me. I don’t get how we even got here. Was this a game to you Ben?” Ben goes silent. “I think you’re an asshole Ben. I think you’re a horrible, shitty person. I wish I never met you.” Rey holds her belongings in her arms.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>No one knows about what happened. Well, that was the plan.</p><p>Rey had slipped back into the apartment, Finn holding a mug of tea in his hand and Rey smiled sheepishly at him in his pink robe and dog slippers.</p><p>“Peanut,” he said. “You’re going to get yourself hurt if you keep doing this yourself.” Rey had promptly burst into tears.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>&gt;BEN SOLO – 8/23/20 – 00:30  </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I know what I did was horrible but please let me explain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Come over tomorrow and lets talk about it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know I don’t deserve it.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>&gt;REY JOHNSON – 8/23/20 – 00:31 SEEN</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>                Reys’ last relationship had ended with her ex-boyfriend of two years moving an hour outside the city for him to break up with her, three weeks later over a text in the middle of the night. That’s all it was – two years down the drain because he couldn’t do it anymore.</p><p>After him, she had gotten involved with this guy and fell headfirst into her feelings and he hadn’t felt the same. It was months and months of sex filled her feelings pilling up like snow on a roof before it caved in.</p><p>After that, Rey had decided that schoolwork was important, not boys. She couldn’t handle it.</p><p>And on that day, she saw Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                The thing is, Rey knows that she’s going to bump into Ben.</p><p>                It’s a waiting game, really. Some may call it Russian Roulette.  Rey calls it fate.</p><p>                Three weeks is a long time to avoid someone’s messages and them, as a person, when you live in the same apartment complex. Stupidly, Rey should’ve seen the signs that this streak might be coming to an end; the thundering, hot rain that sprays all over California in August with rage.</p><p>                Standing underneath the shelter, Rey rummages through her bag (another sign) for her key. Not today, <em>not today. </em>Not when Rose has a seminar until seven-thirty on the other side of the city and she won’t be home until <em>at least </em>nine, and Finn is working the nightshift and won’t wake up until when Rose gets back. She’s already drenched completely- tee stuck to her skin and her jeans dragging against her legs.</p><p>                “You got to me kidding me.” She says, hands holding clumps of receipts, wrappers and a lip balm. Not a key in sight. “You <em>have </em>to be kidding me.” Water drips onto her forehead, a reminder that – yes, this day can get worse if she wants it too.</p><p>               “Hey.” The complex door creaks open and there stands Ben, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, “you . . . okay?”</p><p>                “Fine.” Rey says, looking back down at her bag. God. She couldn’t even wait in the Starbucks; her phone charger is inside her apartment and her laptop is on the <em>brink </em>of running out of battery. “Everything is fine, thank you.” Glancing, Ben is staring at Rey with a troubled expression that she mirrors back before frowning.</p><p>                She folds her arms as she says, “do you <em>need </em>anything, Solo?”</p><p>                “I wanted to talk to you.” Ben says, uncharacteristically in a soft tone. “You didn’t answer my messages.” Rey scoffs. Who does Ben Solo think he is? Who the <em>hell </em>does he think he is talking to Rey like this?</p><p>                “Because Ben,” Rey says, as she stands up, letting her bag drop at her feet. “I have nothing to say to you. Nothing. You – you said us having sex meant nothing to you and I’m supposed to be okay with that?”</p><p>                “Of course not.” Ben is quick to interject, stepping outside, “You have every right to be mad, but I just want you to listen to what I have to say.”</p><p>                “And what’s that?” Rey pokes, “actually, I don’t care. I don’t care at all.”</p><p>                “Why won’t you let me talk?” Ben accuses. “Five minutes and I’ll leave you alone Rey. Don’t be like this when you haven’t heard my side.” He’s an asshole. No, he’s not an asshole – he’s <em>the </em>asshole. Ben Solo makes Reys’ blood pressure raise, and her heart twist and her gut feel horrible and tingly.</p><p>                “Am I supposed to be level-headed and not upset about how you treated me and made me feel? You’re – you’re a horrible person, Ben Solo. You’re horrible in every convincible way and I should’ve know this from the first time I met you, but I was so in love with the thought of you and getting to know you that I just . . .” Ben touches her face, his thumb wipes at the tears falling from her eyes. When did he get so close to her? Why the hell is he brushing tears off her face?</p><p>                “I never wanted to hurt you.” Ben says seriously, his hand holding her face. “Rey, believe me when I say that. I never wanted to hurt you.” Rey moves his hand away, sniffing.</p><p>                “That’s a fucking lie.” Rey laughs bitterly, “We wouldn’t be here, would we now?”</p><p>                “Rey . . .” Ben says and Rey can’t help but push him back.</p><p>                “No, you <em>did </em>hurt me. You hurt me and made me feel so fucking small.” The pushes turn into hard, anger filled shoves that Ben takes, staring at Rey. “You didn’t mean too? You <em>didn’t </em>mean too? Give me a break.”</p><p>                “I’m sorry,” Ben says, his voice raising. “I’m sorry but you’re not listening to me. You’re letting me speak at all.”</p><p>                “Because I don’t care!” Rey yells, fists slamming against his chest. “I don’t care. I couldn’t care less about you or your excuses about why you fucked and chucked me. You only care about yourself, you self-serving –,”</p><p>                “ – I was engaged!” Ben grabs Reys arms, “I was fucking engaged, and I broke it off. I couldn’t do it because I saw you and you spoke to me and I realise I couldn’t be in a loveless marriage. And I was angry at you for making me realise this when it was my fault in the first place.” they stare at each other, chests heaving, and Ben let’s go of Rey slowly. What?</p><p>                “You’re . . . you’re lying.” Rey says, her eyes never leaving his.</p><p>                “The ring you found was my ex-fiancée, Phasma. We – I had to go back home to explain to my parents why I wasn’t getting married and explain to my dad that he wasn’t going to get back his non-refundable deposits.” Ben explains. “All the phone calls where her. I just – I knew when I saw you that I was attracted to you. When we slept together, I was a mess. My head was all over the place and I just . . . you were there. You were there and everything made sense when I was with you.”</p><p>                <em>Everything made sense when I was with you. </em>Rey, for the first time in a very long time, is speechless. Very very speechless.</p><p>Ben sighs and takes her face again, gently, “I know you’re angry and you can’t stand to be around me but I just . . . I couldn’t bare to keep this from you.” What does this mean? Bens’ hands are so soft and Rey melts like ice-cream in the sun against them.</p><p>“I’m angry at you.” She says, hand covering his. “You know that, right?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben says.</p><p>“And that I’m not going to forgive you straight away.”</p><p>“I didn’t expect less.” His other hand takes Reys’ face.  </p><p>The August rain holds up slowly, each drop becoming less and less until the sun the shines through the thick, grey clouds and the puddles on the ground show the rainbow that spreads across all of San Diego. The water droplets fall against her head and Ben steps forward, pulling Rey into a hug.</p><p>She has no idea what this means but as long as she’s with Ben, they can work through this.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>also i have no tumblr now! if i ever make one, i'll update this. please leave comments, kudos and subscribe for more reylo/kpop/maybe other fandom fics!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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